Get This Widget

Friday, September 23, 2011


 “Hey excuse me you are Nana right? “ I’m stunned for a second looking at mysterious man standing right in front of me while showing his big grin. “Yes I am. Can I know why? Do I know you? “He’s quickly given me a book while smiling. “This is yours right?” my God. That is my diary! How can he hold my diary right now?? I quickly took that book and hold it tight. “Where do you find it?” I felt so curious to know. I stared at him. Suddenly he looked clumsy and he’s quickly told me the truth. “Oh please don’t take it wrong. You left it on the table in café this morning. I’m so sorry because I actually wanted to return it to you right away but I was on rush; already late to class so I just bring it with me and fortunately I found you here, so I give it to you. I am really sorry. “He’s looked so worried and his face clearly shown that he really wanted me to believe him because he’s telling me the truth. Its make me wanted to laugh. He’s so cute actually. “It’s ok. Thank you so much because bring “my baby” back to me. “I even cannot prevent myself from portraying a wide smile especially when he looks relief after I said that. When I was about to go, I paused awhile and asked him “you didn’t read this don’t you? “He’s quickly shaking his head. Again! He portrayed a really cute face expression that make me dying and can’t stop smiling. Then I made a move from there in relief.
~~~~ *** ~~~~
I stand on the balcony. Stare at the blue sky. The sun is being covered by the white fluffy clouds. It’s made me really feel so calm.  I can felt the soft breeze crawling slowly touching my skin. Birds are singing happily. Trees are dancing following the happy rhythm. I feel like I am in the air, dancing happily on the sky, playing with the clouds. Oh its must be so wonderful. Suddenly my dreams stop, I heard my phone. I’ve got a text message.  I walked slowly reaching my bed. I quickly landed my weight body on my bed. I read the text and it’s made me so shocked. “Hi miss Nana. How are you? It’s me. Your Mr. diary “stealer” J. “Appear on my phone screen.  I felt like my heart is going off from my body. How??How can he send me a text??How did he know my phone number? My God. I really don’t know what to do and felt so confuse.  Then I quickly replied it, “hey how can you have my number???From where did you steal it?! “I know, I maybe sounded a bit hard and looks like I’m really angry, but I can’t feel good if I can’t get the truth. I really hate if a stranger or someone who I don’t even know send me a message. Except for I am willingly giving it to them. My phone is ringing. I’ve got an incoming call. I was wondering who called me. He’s calling me!! I hate this I hate this I hate!! I push the green button angrily. “Yes?!” it’s quiet, but then “hyeee” his sound so slow and looks like he was sad. My temper is down a bit. “I’m so sorry… “He stops again. “For what? For stealing my number? Or any other things that you do and it is wrong” I’m angry of course. “I’m sorry, really sorry. I just can’t stop myself from take down your number and send you a text today. I am really sorry. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but…….” I waited for him until he finished his sentence. I’m curious though. I don’t know why. “I want to know you better. Be friends with you. If you don’t mind.” I smiled. “Really? So why don’t you ask me personally when we met before? And ask for my number. It’s much easier right?” he continues “ermmmm actually I’m afraid if you neglect me. Or think something bad about me. I know we just get to know each other and only once we met but my instinct said that you will become the best friend of mine. Again, I am really sorry. Hope u will forgive me. “I’m thinking, what is wrong with me?  Why he said that? What did he see on me? My God….I am really and getting much more confuse. “ok2. I forgive you. Sure we can be friend. And actually you don’t need to feel scare or whatever, because I love to be friends with anyone as long as they are sincere and respect me. That’s all.” Suddenly, “really???Thank you very much! I’m really appreciating that. Err can we have lunch together tomorrow? “I’m stunned. I’m surprise actually. Hahahaha. Its sounds so funny and of course I’ll accept that because…… he’s cute! J “Yes we can. Tomorrow I’ll finish my class at 12. So we can meet at café ok? “Then, when we both agree, I hang up the phone. I’m smiling. Yes, I’m smiling! Oh my God, why am I smiling?? Ohh shit I shouldn’t think something else. He just asked for lunch not a date. Owh, stupid thought. I quickly take a towel and have a bath. So that, I can be more sane and awaken.
Nik Muhammad Haiqal Idzni. Yes, that is the name of my diary “stealer” J. Now, it’s already 8 months we were being friends. We have done so many things together. Many of it is crazy stuff and exciting. I’ve also learn a lot from him. I would not forget when we went to bungee jumping. That was my first time. I felt so scared at first. When I’m standing on the edge before jump, I didn’t move or even talk. I’m really scared. Then he come and holds my hand. “Come, we jump together. I’ll be by your side. If you die, I’ll die too. Like Romeo and Juliet. “Then he burst laughing. He still can joke at situation like that! How can him. But actually I’ve quite release when he do that. Then he looked at me and smiled. So both of us jumping together, exactly like he said, he’ll always by my side. He holds my hand tight. Except for the death. Both of us are still alive now.  Or not who will finish this story right? Hahhaha.  I spend most of my time with him. Not only both of us, but his friends too. Many people know me now and I don’t even know them but they did know me. It’s quite funny. But it is what happens after Haiqal and me being so close. Today Haiqal asked me to accompany him to see his parents. He said that he miss them so much. Then I asked him “So why you ask me to go too? “Then he smiled “because….hurmmmm” he stop, then he quickly continue “you will be my wife. So I need to introduce you to them.” Then he gave me a big laugh. I’m smile. Stop! Please don’t think that I just imagine having relationship with him or he loves me. The fact is he LOVE to joke like that. I used to it. For someone who don’t know us will say that he love me, but the truth is only me know it. He is actually a….. “gay” . Wait the minute, I don’t mean the homosexual. But I use gay here because he doesn’t know how to tackle a girl or be friends with them. Except me. Yes, I am the only his “girlfriend”, sounds weird like? But that he is. He is handsome, smart, gorgeous, have athletics body, spiky hair, and very fair skin. Yes absolutely! He is the ideal type of every girls want. But the problem is, he don’t want them. I’ve try seduce him and introduce him to one of my friends. One Day I had planned for him a blind date. I found a girl who is so beautiful, intelligent and from rich family. She is also a good girl. They will be suit together and will be a very loving couple.  That was what I thought. When I bring her to meet him, he looks cool and smiling happily. I thought he’s going to love this girl. So I feel so happy. At last he can fall in love and have romantic relationship with girl. So, I let them there and going somewhere else. After one hour I came back and she’s not there. Haiqal sit very calm and look busy with his Ipad. What is he doing?? Where is she?? Then I quickly go to him and ask where the girl is. “Are you rejecting her? “ Haiqal look at me and smile. He put down his Ipad slowly. “My dear and lovely friend…. “He stopped and he started giggling when he saw my face. Then he’s quickly stopped and continued “she can’t accept me like I do and then she left.”  He’s answer is so simple. Of course I’ll not accept that. There’s something wrong. I ask him again and show him that I’m really serious. “Where is she? And why she’s leaving?! “He knows that I’m really serious. Then he quickly answers my question. “What I said is all right. It is the truth. “I start to piss off “No. you are lying.” He holds he’s breath and released it slowly. “Dear, listen. Remember when you always call me a gay?” I’m confused. I remember that, but do it connected to this topic. “Yes. Why? Did she’s found out about that and really think that you are a gay??Did she??” Now I’m worried. He’s smiling at me and said “No my dear. She did not think like that.” I’m released. “Then what is wrong? And what is actually happen? “I’m so curious to know the truth. He changed his position and sat while looking straight to me. “I told her that I am a gay and I don’t like girls at all. But I told her that she still can be my friend if she wants to.” I am so surprise and I can’t even speak a word. He continues “then I also told her that I always sleep with my guy partner and doing very romantic things on the bed. And I like it so much “he starts to lick his straw from his drink. Then I quickly slap him. “Euwwww... it’s so disgusting! Don’t do that again or I’ll put the straw deeply inside your mouth. Hmmm…Why did you said that to her? I’ve tried so hard to find the best for you. All I want is to make sure that you are happy and will married someday. I want to see you on your wedding day, smiling happily, because I afraid if my time to meet Him will come before I can see you married. “I sound frustrated. Yes, I’m really frustrated. I looked at white and shining table in front of me. Then he holds my chin and put my face up. “Nana, please don’t said that! I’ll be married someday. I promise you that I’ll always be happy and live happily ever after. And so do you. Please don’t be sad. I’ll find my “sunshine”. Just give me some time. When the right time is come, I’ll do as you wish. I’ll fulfill my promised on you. For now, you didn’t have to do anything ok? “I look at him and smiled.”  Promise me? “He’s quickly put his hands up like someone who wants to take an oath, “Yes mam! I promise you!” Then we both were laughing.
We arrived at his home nearly to eleven in the night. When I came out from the car I saw his parents came out from house and quickly hug him. Owhh… such a wonderful family. Serious, I feel so jealous. He’s looking at me. I know he does know what I felt. He knows most of the story and background behind of this cheerful girl. I quickly smiled to him, and pretended that I am ok, even though I’m not. He started to walk towards me. But before he reached me, his mother came first and hugged me. I’m stunned. She smiled and asked me so many questions until I get so confuse and don’t know what to do. Haiqal burst of laugh when he saw me like that and now his mother was confused. Then his father asked us to come inside. “Come in. then we started our reunion and party again after we eat. I know my son is hungry. Same with the princess that he brings here.” his father smiled to me. My God I felt so ashamed by his father words, but I can’t stop smiling. Yes I’m smiling because I’m happy. Maybe I’ll smile for whole night hahaha. We sat down on the dinner table. We ate together, share stories, laughing, teasing and so on. I am so happy and I felt that it was the wonderful night that I’ve ever had. Next morning we went picnic. It was really beautiful day. Suddenly while I was sitting under the tree, Haiqal asked me to follow him. He brings me to the big rock and we sit there. From there I can see beautiful scenery. Then Haiqal start the conversation. “Nana, do you know what is my dream that I really want? “ I’m a lil bit confuse because I’m wondering why he is suddenly ask this kind of question. Ah never mind, it is still a good topic for this conversation. “No I don’t. What is it Qal?”  He looked at me and smiled. “My dream is one day that I’ll be married with my wonderful women. I’ll take care of her and gives her the best that she’ll never have with someone else. I’ll bring her to our honeymoon in Italy. I’ll buy her evvvvrything that she wants. I’ll always follow her command hahaha. As long as I can see her big smile that give wonderful shine in my life. I’ll love her internally. She will be my first and my last love. She will be a very good wife and gives many cute children. Cute as their mother and handsome like me. Hahahaha.” I was really excited to hear all that. I smiled all the time when he tells that and I looked at him straight to his eyes. I don’t know why every time I looked at him like that, I felt something wrong happen in my heart. I don’t know what is that and why, so I don’t take as it as a matter. “How lucky she is. You better find that person quickly. So that, she won’t find another gentleman to replace you.” I love to tease him J . Then he quickly said, “Owhh don’t worry I already found her and I’m sure that she is so exciting to marry me. Owhh I’ll be a husband soonnnn.” He starts screaming. He was so happy. More than I had ever seen before. I smiled.
My tears were still running down on my cheeks. I can’t stop remembering all the good memories between us. I missed him so much! Yes I really missed him. Suddenly his mother touched my shoulder. I looked at her, and suddenly she burst out of tears. I hug her and try to calm her. I’m trying to be strong in front her. I need to do it. Even though I know I am so weak. After a while she already stops from crying. She quickly stands up and went out from the room. I thought maybe she wants to see her husband. But then, she came again and she holds a book. She gives it to me. “Nana, I think you should have this. Take it and keep it carefully.” Then she walks out and closed the door. When I opened the first page of the book, I knew that it is his diary. I began to read it page by page. I started to cry and this time it is really hard. Start from the first page, he only talked about me. I stop at some page…

My dear sweetie honey bum-bum Nana J ,
Once again, I’m not happy when I wake up.
Afraid of what my soul is going through, I still want to give you all of my love.
I want to believe that you gave me love also.
Don’t be too far out of reach. From now on,
I don’t want to lose a moment nor am I going to push you away from me.
Especially the love that was so hard in the beginning.
Because for me, you are the one I’ve always loved and I’m not afraid,
Even if we have to say goodbye forever…Because the next love that I have, will be you..
Remember this sweetheart,
You may only be someone in the world, but to me, you are the world.

He actually read my diary before and in his diary, he wrote all the things that I wanted to do and he want to fulfill it. I missed him so much! I know that all this times all the weird feeling that I get when I’m with him is call LOVE. Yes, I do in love with him. But now, he’s gone forever. He left me alone here. He died in an accident when he’s on the way to visit me and wanted to propose me. That day is the third anniversary of our relationship. I felt so weak and can’t even move. I can’t feel my body. I hold the ring so tight and fell on knee. Dear God, hope You place him with Your beloved person there.
Nik Muhammad Haiqal Idzni….
 I hope you will be always happy there. If you can hear me now, I really want to say sorry because I’ve never tell you this. I LOVE YOU Haiqal. I really do.

hasil nukilan : CIK NANA


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