BLEEDING
It’s 2.04am. But the sound of wind
out there makes me feel scared. ‘Please sleep my dear eyes, I’ve class this
morning’, said Nad to herself. Out of blue, her phone plays the ‘Blow Me a
Kiss’ song by Get Fresh. She let the phone ringing for a while. She feel likes
want to scream when she saw the name display on the screen. ‘What he wants from
me???’ she asks herself.
‘Hey Nad.. Not
sleep yet? I miss you so much,’ said Azrul.
‘Hhuurrm.. Not
yet. Do I hear something that related to miss?’ asking with the blur face.
‘No.. I really
miss you.. Can we meet tomorrow after you’re finish your class? I’ll fetch you
at campus. Okay?’ hoping for the green light.
‘Not sure.. I’ve got
lot of work to do. Next time may be. Hope you understand and respect my
decision’, said Nad with the slow voice.
‘Please Nad, I
need to see you. Please give me one more chance. I miss you,’ hoping she will
change her mind.
Without thinking twice she gave her
green light for him to meet her tomorrow. Then she ends the call without saying
good bye or good night. She falls asleep unconsciously.
Finally I can see your smile, your long
wavy hair, sharp nose and your round eyes. I missed all that, missed all the
happy moments with you my love. Azrul talks to himself and carves a smile. He
too missed that girl who has taken his heart long time ago. He hopes the time
goes faster so that he can meet his beloved.
That morning, she rushes to Sociology
class. She didn’t know what time she slept last night. She woke up with the red
eyes because don’t have enough sleep last night. She takes her sit and start to
jot down everything that comes out from the lecturer. Later she has to attend
for the last class. Professionalism and Ethics.
‘Damn!! How come I forgot that I
promise to meet him today??’ said Nad to herself while walking to Azrul’s car
with the fake smile.
‘Hi Nad.. You look pretty’ he said to
her but she doesn’t give any response to him.
She straight away get into the car
and waiting to make a move to somewhere that she has no idea. It’s all up to
him where should they go. After 30 minutes, we safely arrived at our favorite
restaurant. Nad wondering why he brings her to this restaurant. I hate this
current situation. It such an awkward moment with him because there is a long
time they didn’t come to this restaurant together. Suddenly, all the sweet
memories with him play around in her mind. She wants to cry and Azrul poke her
and she comes to the real life. We seat facing the small garden designed by the
owner of the restaurant. It is full of light around the garden and at the
middle of it there is a small pond with the few types of fish inside it. The
water lapping sometime attracts my focus to it. After we order the food, we
have a long quite. Then, he starts to ask me something that surprising me at
all.
‘Don’t you missed me during the time we’re not meet?’
with smile on his face.
‘What question is that?’ trying to
get out of that topic.
‘I’m just asking, if you don’t want
to answer…… never mind, left it hanging’.
‘So, may we back to the main reason
why you asked me out? Any good news for me or you wants to invite me for your
wedding?’ I asked with the full of curious.
‘Nothing just missed your smiled.
That’s what brings me to you my dear’, he grasps my hand softly.
And I do nothing for his sudden
action, let the time goes with the sound of music played by the small group of
orchestra at one of the corner. After the waiter serves the food, we start
eating and he reminds me about our past relationship. I just listen and answer
some of his questions. Seem like he wants me back, as before. I’m just freeze
and no answer come out from me. I totally have no idea what is going on between
us. He throws out his feeling towards me with the expectation that I’m going to
accept him back after what he had done to me before.
‘Sorry my dear, I won’t be yours for
now’, I talked to myself.
I never think to be his anymore. For me,
my life routine is study and gets a great job so that I can prove to everyone I
am not a loser. Without man in my life, I still can survive. I end my day with
thinking about him. What a terrible day it is.
She woke up with the new spirit. She
walked to the window towards the busy road and said ‘I want to be his friend
just like before, only his friend, not more than that.’ Suddenly she changed
her perception towards him. Nothing is wrong if I be his friend. Let’s start
the new beginning with him.
‘Hi Azrul.. Are you busy tonight?’ I
asked him.
‘For you, anytime I’m not busy’, he
said with soft laugh.
‘Let’s have dinner today. My treat.’
she asked.
‘Okay baby, anything for you. So,
what time and where?’, he asked happily.
‘At our favorite restaurant.’ said
Nad.
‘Okay. I fetch you at your house by 8
o’clock tonight. I won’t you to drive tonight.’ He smiled.
‘Thanks.’ End the call.
She dressed herself as usual. She’s
wearing blue blouse and long black slack. She unties her hair and let her hair
blown by the soft wind. Sharp at 8 o’clock, he comes and drives to the
destination. Azrul only smile and sometimes turns his face to look to her. She
becomes uncomfortable with his action but she just ignore till the end.
At the restaurant, she was surprised because
Azrul have book a table with the special service for us. How she was surprised
with it. She suppose to be give him surprise but it turns to other way round. She
has no idea why he did all this to me. She never thought that I will receive
any surprise from him anymore. She was very happy.
‘Nad, what’s the date is today?’, he
asked.
’14 April. Why?’. I answered with
curious. Any special occasions?
‘Don’t you remember this is special
date for us?’ he tried to remind me.
‘Eeemm.. No. Any special event on
this date?’, giving insane face.
‘How could you forget our
anniversary? He asked with the sad face.
‘Our anniversary? What anniversary??We’re
not married yet..’, she said confidently
‘Today is our anniversary for our
relationship. How can you forget about it?’ he asked softly.
Nad didn’t reply and keep silent. How
can she ask him to go out at this date? She starts to remind herself what are
happened before. Their love story. All the memories started play in her mind,
while Azrul just watching her quietly. She come back to reality when the small
orchestra comes and playing a romantic and lovely music for them.
‘Nad, would you be mine again? Please
give me one more chance. I’ll never do the same mistake as before. Forgive
me.’, he asked and tries to touch her hand.
‘I can’t give any answer right now.
Give me time.’ said Nad.
She tried her best to hide the
happiness that come from bottom of her heart. She could not lie herself. She
really missed the old time. Then, they had their dinner in romantic mood. All
the time they laugh and happy while story the past time. Both of them enjoy the
time together. Later, they go home.
‘Dear, would you give the answer as
soon as possible? I can’t wait to hear the answer. I really hope that you can
give me another chance to correct all my past mistakes.’ said Azrul.
‘Okay.’ Said Nad softly.
After four days without any news from
each other, both of them start to miss each other. Finally Nad start first. She
gives a call to Azrul.
‘Hey, do I disturb you? Just want to
ask how you feel today?’ she starts the conversation.
‘Good. How about you? I ready to hear
your answer.’ said him happily.
‘Eemm… how am I going to start?’
silent at the end.
‘Just tell me the truth. Did you
accept me or not?’ said him strongly.
‘I do accept you back but with some
conditions. Agree?’ said Nad.
‘Yes my dear. Anything for you I do.’
He answered confidently.
‘Don’t leave me again. Don’t play
with my heart. Be honest to me for everything. No more cheating. Okay?’ she
said angrily.
‘Thanks for accepting me again. I
won’t hurt you anymore. I promise. I hope our relationship will end with
happiness. Married me?’ he said confidently.
She never answers that question till
the end. She just thinks that they need time to get along and try to find the chemistry
between them before they go for further action.
‘Hello, are you still there my dear?
Why you silent out of sudden dear? He asked with worries.
‘Sorry. Something just makes me lost.
Sorry.’ She said softly.
About 30 minutes they talked they end
the call with the promise to have lunch together on the next morning. All the
night Nad thinks about their relationship. She just accepts everything without
think deeply. She hopes that Azrul never lie to her again. They just go on with
the flow as they want. Never think that one day they will face obstacle.
Time by time, they undergo their
relationship happily. Both side of family have been told about their
relationship and no one object their relationship. Both families pray the best
for them. Out of their expectation, the strong wind blows their relationship.
The obstacles come without notify them and each of them getting worst to each
other. Nad starts to ignore everything include herself. She becomes messy, from
cheerful to quite person. Azrul also do not give any news to Nad. Actually, he
feels guilty to her because he promised to her that he won’t hurt Nad anymore.
Enough with the history, let by gone is by gone. He does not know how to
explain to her regarding this problem.
He starts to miss
his girl. Along the time they had fight, he never received any call or message
from Nad. He really worried about her but he afraid to give a call because he
wants Nad to calm down then he will explain everything to her. He knows it is
his entire fault because he too rushes to have the relationship back. He does
not know that everything is getting worst. He tries to call her but no answer.
He keeps trying till she answered. Finally she answer but with silent.
Suddenly, bbbbaaannnggg!!!!
Nad!!! Please
dear, answer me. Don’t do this to me. I know it is my fault. I admit it. Please
listen to me. Don’t do any stupid things. I still do love you.’ He said while
begging her to listen.
There is still
quite till he heard the sound of Nad’s crying like a baby. He knows he just
hurts his beloved girl. He persuades his girl again and again till he cannot
hear any voice anymore. The call is ended. In the dark room, Nad cried again. A
frame photo of them has been broken. She take some pills and had sleep. On the
next day, Azrul goes to Nad’s house. Unfortunately, she won’t see him. He tries
to knock her room door but she still remains the same. SILENT! He gives up that
time. He will come again tomorrow.
The phone is
ringing. Azrul was surprised because he finally received message from Nad. The
message content makes him cry and shout like a crazy man. “Our relationship is over. I want you to stay away from me. Just forget
anything that we have before. Throw me away from your life. I’ll never come
back to you anymore. Accept the fact that we’re not meant to be together till
the end. –Nad”
He calls her but nothing happen.
Nothing changed. Finally he makes decision to see her face to face and explain
everything even he knows that Nad will never listen to his explanation. At least,
he tried. On the next morning, he turns up in front of Nad’s house. He asks
permission to talk to Nad from her parents. They still treat him nicely. How
lucky I has her such a very kind person in my life. But, I never appreciate it.
Sorry my dear.
After 15 minutes
he tries to persuade Nad to open the door, finally Nad agreed to see him. He looks
at her eyes, swollen. She cried over the days, she never touches any food. She
really hurts with all this messy things. He touched her hands, cold. He starts
to ask how she feels. No answer. She does not see his face to show how much she
hates him. Azrul starts to explain while she starts to remind what happen on
that day.
While she tried
to make decision which dress should she buy, she suddenly was approached by a
girl. The girl wore a nice yellow Baju Kebaya with the black sunglasses. The
girl greets her nicely before she invites her to have a cup of coffee with her.
She never meets this girl before. Who is she?
‘Sorry because I
disturb you just now. I’m Aisha. I know we never meet before. Let me be honest
and straight to the point with you. I’m Azrul’s girlfriend. Nad started to cry.
She cannot stand herself from crying even she is in front of public. Aisha
tried to calm her down but unfortunately cannot. She waited until Nad over her
cry. Aisha told her everything about her relationship with Azrul. She found out
that Azrul has changed a lot last 3 weeks. Finally she knew that Azrul had a
new girlfriend. When she asked him, nothing came out from his mouth. And after
he has been forced, Azrul admitted that he still loved a girl named Nad. And
now, it’s all proven that he had relationship with you. Yes, his family never
knew about our relationship because we want to keep it as secret till the day
that both of us ready to announce it to our family.
‘Aisha, I
understand. You’re not wrong. Both of us have been cheated by him. Honestly
from my heart, I’ll make him back to you. I’ll end our relationship. I’ll not
disturb your happiness anymore. I promise. Besides, I can’t accept him anymore.
I hope you’ll be able to bring him to the right way.’ said Nad slowly.
‘Sorry, I’ve ruin
your relationship. I really love him. He’s my first love. And he promises me to
take me as his wife. I hope you understand. He changes me a lot.’ said Aisha in
sad tone.
‘Don’t worries.
I’ll make sure he will be yours again. And from now on, we’re friend. Hope you
don’t mind.’ she smile at Aisha.
That night, she gave
a call to him and told everything. Unfortunately, Azrul deny everything. She was
so upset and ended the call and tried to throw him away from my mind. She told
everything to her family and they respects her decision. A week she tried to
avoid from being seen by Azrul. Finally, tonight she gave him the last chance
to meet her and dare to stand with her decision. Never back to you my love! She just listen to him and at the end,
she voice out her decision. Azrul must accept it either he like or not. Azrul
disappointed with her decision. He still loved Nad as before but for Nad it is
just a fake. She never trusts any words that come out from his mouth. Enough with
the lies which she has accept from the beginning of their relationship. After
Nad considered everything, she dare to take decision to further her study
abroad. That is her final decision to take herself away from this matter. She
does not want to hurt anyone especially Aisha. When she told her parents, they
think that it is the best way for her to build a new life there. She is very
thankful with the support given by her parents, just because she is the only
daughter in the family while the other two are her little brothers who were 17
and 14.
And tonight,
everything has been reveal and she tells everyone about her decision. Azrul was
shocked by the decision made by her. He did not expect that Nad wants to leave
him. Everything has been arranged as plan and Nad will go there this Sunday.
Only 3 days left. He did not know what to do to make Nad changed her mind. He
cannot sit and let her go so easy just like that. How to stop her from doing
this? It is too late. She stands with her decision.
Tomorrow will be
a big day for Nad. She has to focus and try to control herself from crying in
front of everyone especially Azrul. He has to show them that she is strong
enough face any challenges that comes to her. She has done with packing the
stuff that she wants to bring tomorrow. She will be there about 3 years. She
hopes she will be able to forget all the bad moments here and build a new
freshly life with all new environment and friends. She sleeps at night without
she knows till the next morning.
All are gathering
at the airport. Azrul’s family also there to say goodbye to her but only Azrul
was not there. She feels relieve and little bit sad because she has to apart
from her beloved family. She never be apart from her family, family is
everything for her. She was shocked by the announcement. She has to make a
move. She hugs everyone there.
‘Take a good care
my princess. Don’t forget my advices.’ said her mother while sweeping her
tears.
‘Okay mom. No
worries.’ said Nad while crying.
She starts to
walk and does not turn back. She does not want anyone cries for her leaving.
She wants everyone to be happy. Out of blue, someone just pulled her hand.
‘Nad, I’m going
to miss you. Please forgive me. I know I have hurt you a lot. Take care. Don’t
forget to keep in touch with me. And this, it is for you. Open it when you
reach there.
A small blue box
has changed hand to Nad. And no words come out from her mouth. She wants to cry
but she still able to control herself from not to do so. Azrul has to let her
go because there is last call for passengers. He accompanies her with the
tears. No more Nad in front of me.
She cries along
the journey over and over again. She cannot wait till she reaches there to open
the box given by Azrul. There is necklace with a small red card inside the box.
This necklace I bought t a day before we
broke up. It is for you, my heart. It symbolize of our relationship since the
first day you accept me back in your life. It means a lot to me when you still
accept me. ~Lot of Love~
She cries along
the journey. When she wakes up, she safely landed at International Airport of
New Zealand. Everything changes and the new life has just begun. She becomes a
stranger at others place. She forgets what has she through yesterday. Now, she
wants people know her with her full name. Nurul Nadia or her new nick name,
Nur. No more Nad, and everything about Nad has been erased by the time she
build up the new life in New Zealand.
~Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it
means that you are strong enough to let go.
hasil nukilan : nur naduwa
