♥ cik nana ♥

BLEEDING

It’s 2.04am. But the sound of wind out there makes me feel scared. ‘Please sleep my dear eyes, I’ve class this morning’, said Nad to herself. Out of blue, her phone plays the ‘Blow Me a Kiss’ song by Get Fresh. She let the phone ringing for a while. She feel likes want to scream when she saw the name display on the screen. ‘What he wants from me???’ she asks herself.

      ‘Hey Nad.. Not sleep yet? I miss you so much,’ said Azrul.

      ‘Hhuurrm.. Not yet. Do I hear something that related to miss?’ asking with the blur face.

      ‘No.. I really miss you.. Can we meet tomorrow after you’re finish your class? I’ll fetch you at campus. Okay?’ hoping for the green light.

      ‘Not sure.. I’ve got lot of work to do. Next time may be. Hope you understand and respect my decision’, said Nad with the slow voice.

      ‘Please Nad, I need to see you. Please give me one more chance. I miss you,’ hoping she will change her mind.

Without thinking twice she gave her green light for him to meet her tomorrow. Then she ends the call without saying good bye or good night. She falls asleep unconsciously.

Finally I can see your smile, your long wavy hair, sharp nose and your round eyes. I missed all that, missed all the happy moments with you my love. Azrul talks to himself and carves a smile. He too missed that girl who has taken his heart long time ago. He hopes the time goes faster so that he can meet his beloved.

That morning, she rushes to Sociology class. She didn’t know what time she slept last night. She woke up with the red eyes because don’t have enough sleep last night. She takes her sit and start to jot down everything that comes out from the lecturer. Later she has to attend for the last class. Professionalism and Ethics.

‘Damn!! How come I forgot that I promise to meet him today??’ said Nad to herself while walking to Azrul’s car with the fake smile.

‘Hi Nad.. You look pretty’ he said to her but she doesn’t give any response to him.

She straight away get into the car and waiting to make a move to somewhere that she has no idea. It’s all up to him where should they go. After 30 minutes, we safely arrived at our favorite restaurant. Nad wondering why he brings her to this restaurant. I hate this current situation. It such an awkward moment with him because there is a long time they didn’t come to this restaurant together. Suddenly, all the sweet memories with him play around in her mind. She wants to cry and Azrul poke her and she comes to the real life. We seat facing the small garden designed by the owner of the restaurant. It is full of light around the garden and at the middle of it there is a small pond with the few types of fish inside it. The water lapping sometime attracts my focus to it. After we order the food, we have a long quite. Then, he starts to ask me something that surprising me at all.

‘Don’t  you missed me during the time we’re not meet?’ with smile on his face.

‘What question is that?’ trying to get out of that topic.

‘I’m just asking, if you don’t want to answer…… never mind, left it hanging’.

‘So, may we back to the main reason why you asked me out? Any good news for me or you wants to invite me for your wedding?’ I asked with the full of curious.

‘Nothing just missed your smiled. That’s what brings me to you my dear’, he grasps my hand softly.

And I do nothing for his sudden action, let the time goes with the sound of music played by the small group of orchestra at one of the corner. After the waiter serves the food, we start eating and he reminds me about our past relationship. I just listen and answer some of his questions. Seem like he wants me back, as before. I’m just freeze and no answer come out from me. I totally have no idea what is going on between us. He throws out his feeling towards me with the expectation that I’m going to accept him back after what he had done to me before.

‘Sorry my dear, I won’t be yours for now’, I talked to myself.

I never think to be his anymore. For me, my life routine is study and gets a great job so that I can prove to everyone I am not a loser. Without man in my life, I still can survive. I end my day with thinking about him. What a terrible day it is.

She woke up with the new spirit. She walked to the window towards the busy road and said ‘I want to be his friend just like before, only his friend, not more than that.’ Suddenly she changed her perception towards him. Nothing is wrong if I be his friend. Let’s start the new beginning with him.

‘Hi Azrul.. Are you busy tonight?’ I asked him.

‘For you, anytime I’m not busy’, he said with soft laugh.

‘Let’s have dinner today. My treat.’ she asked.

‘Okay baby, anything for you. So, what time and where?’, he asked happily.

‘At our favorite restaurant.’ said Nad.

‘Okay. I fetch you at your house by 8 o’clock tonight. I won’t you to drive tonight.’ He smiled.

‘Thanks.’ End the call.

She dressed herself as usual. She’s wearing blue blouse and long black slack. She unties her hair and let her hair blown by the soft wind. Sharp at 8 o’clock, he comes and drives to the destination. Azrul only smile and sometimes turns his face to look to her. She becomes uncomfortable with his action but she just ignore till the end.

At the restaurant, she was surprised because Azrul have book a table with the special service for us. How she was surprised with it. She suppose to be give him surprise but it turns to other way round. She has no idea why he did all this to me. She never thought that I will receive any surprise from him anymore. She was very happy.

‘Nad, what’s the date is today?’, he asked.

’14 April. Why?’. I answered with curious. Any special occasions?

‘Don’t you remember this is special date for us?’ he tried to remind me.

‘Eeemm.. No. Any special event on this date?’, giving insane face.

‘How could you forget our anniversary? He asked with the sad face.

‘Our anniversary? What anniversary??We’re not married yet..’, she said confidently

‘Today is our anniversary for our relationship. How can you forget about it?’ he asked softly.

Nad didn’t reply and keep silent. How can she ask him to go out at this date? She starts to remind herself what are happened before. Their love story. All the memories started play in her mind, while Azrul just watching her quietly. She come back to reality when the small orchestra comes and playing a romantic and lovely music for them.

‘Nad, would you be mine again? Please give me one more chance. I’ll never do the same mistake as before. Forgive me.’, he asked and tries to touch her hand.

‘I can’t give any answer right now. Give me time.’ said Nad.

She tried her best to hide the happiness that come from bottom of her heart. She could not lie herself. She really missed the old time. Then, they had their dinner in romantic mood. All the time they laugh and happy while story the past time. Both of them enjoy the time together. Later, they go home.

‘Dear, would you give the answer as soon as possible? I can’t wait to hear the answer. I really hope that you can give me another chance to correct all my past mistakes.’ said Azrul.

‘Okay.’ Said Nad softly.

After four days without any news from each other, both of them start to miss each other. Finally Nad start first. She gives a call to Azrul.

‘Hey, do I disturb you? Just want to ask how you feel today?’ she starts the conversation.

‘Good. How about you? I ready to hear your answer.’ said him happily.

‘Eemm… how am I going to start?’ silent at the end.

‘Just tell me the truth. Did you accept me or not?’ said him strongly.

‘I do accept you back but with some conditions. Agree?’ said Nad.

‘Yes my dear. Anything for you I do.’ He answered confidently.

‘Don’t leave me again. Don’t play with my heart. Be honest to me for everything. No more cheating. Okay?’ she said angrily.

‘Thanks for accepting me again. I won’t hurt you anymore. I promise. I hope our relationship will end with happiness. Married me?’ he said confidently.

She never answers that question till the end. She just thinks that they need time to get along and try to find the chemistry between them before they go for further action.

‘Hello, are you still there my dear? Why you silent out of sudden dear? He asked with worries.

‘Sorry. Something just makes me lost. Sorry.’ She said softly.

About 30 minutes they talked they end the call with the promise to have lunch together on the next morning. All the night Nad thinks about their relationship. She just accepts everything without think deeply. She hopes that Azrul never lie to her again. They just go on with the flow as they want. Never think that one day they will face obstacle.

Time by time, they undergo their relationship happily. Both side of family have been told about their relationship and no one object their relationship. Both families pray the best for them. Out of their expectation, the strong wind blows their relationship. The obstacles come without notify them and each of them getting worst to each other. Nad starts to ignore everything include herself. She becomes messy, from cheerful to quite person. Azrul also do not give any news to Nad. Actually, he feels guilty to her because he promised to her that he won’t hurt Nad anymore. Enough with the history, let by gone is by gone. He does not know how to explain to her regarding this problem.

      He starts to miss his girl. Along the time they had fight, he never received any call or message from Nad. He really worried about her but he afraid to give a call because he wants Nad to calm down then he will explain everything to her. He knows it is his entire fault because he too rushes to have the relationship back. He does not know that everything is getting worst. He tries to call her but no answer. He keeps trying till she answered. Finally she answer but with silent. Suddenly, bbbbaaannnggg!!!!

      Nad!!! Please dear, answer me. Don’t do this to me. I know it is my fault. I admit it. Please listen to me. Don’t do any stupid things. I still do love you.’ He said while begging her to listen.

      There is still quite till he heard the sound of Nad’s crying like a baby. He knows he just hurts his beloved girl. He persuades his girl again and again till he cannot hear any voice anymore. The call is ended. In the dark room, Nad cried again. A frame photo of them has been broken. She take some pills and had sleep. On the next day, Azrul goes to Nad’s house. Unfortunately, she won’t see him. He tries to knock her room door but she still remains the same. SILENT! He gives up that time. He will come again tomorrow.

      The phone is ringing. Azrul was surprised because he finally received message from Nad. The message content makes him cry and shout like a crazy man. “Our relationship is over. I want you to stay away from me. Just forget anything that we have before. Throw me away from your life. I’ll never come back to you anymore. Accept the fact that we’re not meant to be together till the end. –Nad”

      He calls her but nothing happen. Nothing changed. Finally he makes decision to see her face to face and explain everything even he knows that Nad will never listen to his explanation. At least, he tried. On the next morning, he turns up in front of Nad’s house. He asks permission to talk to Nad from her parents. They still treat him nicely. How lucky I has her such a very kind person in my life. But, I never appreciate it. Sorry my dear.

      After 15 minutes he tries to persuade Nad to open the door, finally Nad agreed to see him. He looks at her eyes, swollen. She cried over the days, she never touches any food. She really hurts with all this messy things. He touched her hands, cold. He starts to ask how she feels. No answer. She does not see his face to show how much she hates him. Azrul starts to explain while she starts to remind what happen on that day.

      While she tried to make decision which dress should she buy, she suddenly was approached by a girl. The girl wore a nice yellow Baju Kebaya with the black sunglasses. The girl greets her nicely before she invites her to have a cup of coffee with her. She never meets this girl before. Who is she?

      ‘Sorry because I disturb you just now. I’m Aisha. I know we never meet before. Let me be honest and straight to the point with you. I’m Azrul’s girlfriend. Nad started to cry. She cannot stand herself from crying even she is in front of public. Aisha tried to calm her down but unfortunately cannot. She waited until Nad over her cry. Aisha told her everything about her relationship with Azrul. She found out that Azrul has changed a lot last 3 weeks. Finally she knew that Azrul had a new girlfriend. When she asked him, nothing came out from his mouth. And after he has been forced, Azrul admitted that he still loved a girl named Nad. And now, it’s all proven that he had relationship with you. Yes, his family never knew about our relationship because we want to keep it as secret till the day that both of us ready to announce it to our family.

      ‘Aisha, I understand. You’re not wrong. Both of us have been cheated by him. Honestly from my heart, I’ll make him back to you. I’ll end our relationship. I’ll not disturb your happiness anymore. I promise. Besides, I can’t accept him anymore. I hope you’ll be able to bring him to the right way.’ said Nad slowly.

      ‘Sorry, I’ve ruin your relationship. I really love him. He’s my first love. And he promises me to take me as his wife. I hope you understand. He changes me a lot.’ said Aisha in sad tone.

      ‘Don’t worries. I’ll make sure he will be yours again. And from now on, we’re friend. Hope you don’t mind.’ she smile at Aisha.

      That night, she gave a call to him and told everything. Unfortunately, Azrul deny everything. She was so upset and ended the call and tried to throw him away from my mind. She told everything to her family and they respects her decision. A week she tried to avoid from being seen by Azrul. Finally, tonight she gave him the last chance to meet her and dare to stand with her decision. Never back to you my love! She just listen to him and at the end, she voice out her decision. Azrul must accept it either he like or not. Azrul disappointed with her decision. He still loved Nad as before but for Nad it is just a fake. She never trusts any words that come out from his mouth. Enough with the lies which she has accept from the beginning of their relationship. After Nad considered everything, she dare to take decision to further her study abroad. That is her final decision to take herself away from this matter. She does not want to hurt anyone especially Aisha. When she told her parents, they think that it is the best way for her to build a new life there. She is very thankful with the support given by her parents, just because she is the only daughter in the family while the other two are her little brothers who were 17 and 14.

      And tonight, everything has been reveal and she tells everyone about her decision. Azrul was shocked by the decision made by her. He did not expect that Nad wants to leave him. Everything has been arranged as plan and Nad will go there this Sunday. Only 3 days left. He did not know what to do to make Nad changed her mind. He cannot sit and let her go so easy just like that. How to stop her from doing this? It is too late. She stands with her decision.

      Tomorrow will be a big day for Nad. She has to focus and try to control herself from crying in front of everyone especially Azrul. He has to show them that she is strong enough face any challenges that comes to her. She has done with packing the stuff that she wants to bring tomorrow. She will be there about 3 years. She hopes she will be able to forget all the bad moments here and build a new freshly life with all new environment and friends. She sleeps at night without she knows till the next morning.

      All are gathering at the airport. Azrul’s family also there to say goodbye to her but only Azrul was not there. She feels relieve and little bit sad because she has to apart from her beloved family. She never be apart from her family, family is everything for her. She was shocked by the announcement. She has to make a move. She hugs everyone there.

      ‘Take a good care my princess. Don’t forget my advices.’ said her mother while sweeping her tears.

      ‘Okay mom. No worries.’ said Nad while crying.

      She starts to walk and does not turn back. She does not want anyone cries for her leaving. She wants everyone to be happy. Out of blue, someone just pulled her hand.

      ‘Nad, I’m going to miss you. Please forgive me. I know I have hurt you a lot. Take care. Don’t forget to keep in touch with me. And this, it is for you. Open it when you reach there.

      A small blue box has changed hand to Nad. And no words come out from her mouth. She wants to cry but she still able to control herself from not to do so. Azrul has to let her go because there is last call for passengers. He accompanies her with the tears. No more Nad in front of me.

      She cries along the journey over and over again. She cannot wait till she reaches there to open the box given by Azrul. There is necklace with a small red card inside the box. This necklace I bought t a day before we broke up. It is for you, my heart. It symbolize of our relationship since the first day you accept me back in your life. It means a lot to me when you still accept me. ~Lot of Love~

 She cries along the journey. When she wakes up, she safely landed at International Airport of New Zealand. Everything changes and the new life has just begun. She becomes a stranger at others place. She forgets what has she through yesterday. Now, she wants people know her with her full name. Nurul Nadia or her new nick name, Nur. No more Nad, and everything about Nad has been erased by the time she build up the new life in New Zealand.

 ~Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

hasil nukilan : nur naduwa