THE DAY NEVER COME

 “Hey excuse me you are Nana right? “ I’m stunned for a second looking at mysterious man standing right in front of me while showing his big grin. “Yes I am. Can I know why? Do I know you? “He’s quickly given me a book while smiling. “This is yours right?” my God. That is my diary! How can he hold my diary right now?? I quickly took that book and hold it tight. “Where do you find it?” I felt so curious to know. I stared at him. Suddenly he looked clumsy and he’s quickly told me the truth. “Oh please don’t take it wrong. You left it on the table in café this morning. I’m so sorry because I actually wanted to return it to you right away but I was on rush; already late to class so I just bring it with me and fortunately I found you here, so I give it to you. I am really sorry. “He’s looked so worried and his face clearly shown that he really wanted me to believe him because he’s telling me the truth. Its make me wanted to laugh. He’s so cute actually. “It’s ok. Thank you so much because bring “my baby” back to me. “I even cannot prevent myself from portraying a wide smile especially when he looks relief after I said that. When I was about to go, I paused awhile and asked him “you didn’t read this don’t you? “He’s quickly shaking his head. Again! He portrayed a really cute face expression that make me dying and can’t stop smiling. Then I made a move from there in relief.

~~~~ *** ~~~~

I stand on the balcony. Stare at the blue sky. The sun is being covered by the white fluffy clouds. It’s made me really feel so calm.  I can felt the soft breeze crawling slowly touching my skin. Birds are singing happily. Trees are dancing following the happy rhythm. I feel like I am in the air, dancing happily on the sky, playing with the clouds. Oh its must be so wonderful. Suddenly my dreams stop, I heard my phone. I’ve got a text message.  I walked slowly reaching my bed. I quickly landed my weight body on my bed. I read the text and it’s made me so shocked. “Hi miss Nana. How are you? It’s me. Your Mr. diary “stealer” J. “Appear on my phone screen.  I felt like my heart is going off from my body. How??How can he send me a text??How did he know my phone number? My God. I really don’t know what to do and felt so confuse.  Then I quickly replied it, “hey how can you have my number???From where did you steal it?! “I know, I maybe sounded a bit hard and looks like I’m really angry, but I can’t feel good if I can’t get the truth. I really hate if a stranger or someone who I don’t even know send me a message. Except for I am willingly giving it to them. My phone is ringing. I’ve got an incoming call. I was wondering who called me. He’s calling me!! I hate this I hate this I hate!! I push the green button angrily. “Yes?!” it’s quiet, but then “hyeee” his sound so slow and looks like he was sad. My temper is down a bit. “I’m so sorry… “He stops again. “For what? For stealing my number? Or any other things that you do and it is wrong” I’m angry of course. “I’m sorry, really sorry. I just can’t stop myself from take down your number and send you a text today. I am really sorry. I know what I’m doing is wrong, but…….” I waited for him until he finished his sentence. I’m curious though. I don’t know why. “I want to know you better. Be friends with you. If you don’t mind.” I smiled. “Really? So why don’t you ask me personally when we met before? And ask for my number. It’s much easier right?” he continues “ermmmm actually I’m afraid if you neglect me. Or think something bad about me. I know we just get to know each other and only once we met but my instinct said that you will become the best friend of mine. Again, I am really sorry. Hope u will forgive me. “I’m thinking, what is wrong with me?  Why he said that? What did he see on me? My God….I am really and getting much more confuse. “ok2. I forgive you. Sure we can be friend. And actually you don’t need to feel scare or whatever, because I love to be friends with anyone as long as they are sincere and respect me. That’s all.” Suddenly, “really???Thank you very much! I’m really appreciating that. Err can we have lunch together tomorrow? “I’m stunned. I’m surprise actually. Hahahaha. Its sounds so funny and of course I’ll accept that because…… he’s cute! J “Yes we can. Tomorrow I’ll finish my class at 12. So we can meet at café ok? “Then, when we both agree, I hang up the phone. I’m smiling. Yes, I’m smiling! Oh my God, why am I smiling?? Ohh shit I shouldn’t think something else. He just asked for lunch not a date. Owh, stupid thought. I quickly take a towel and have a bath. So that, I can be more sane and awaken.

~~~~***~~~~

Nik Muhammad Haiqal Idzni. Yes, that is the name of my diary “stealer” J. Now, it’s already 8 months we were being friends. We have done so many things together. Many of it is crazy stuff and exciting. I’ve also learn a lot from him. I would not forget when we went to bungee jumping. That was my first time. I felt so scared at first. When I’m standing on the edge before jump, I didn’t move or even talk. I’m really scared. Then he come and holds my hand. “Come, we jump together. I’ll be by your side. If you die, I’ll die too. Like Romeo and Juliet. “Then he burst laughing. He still can joke at situation like that! How can him. But actually I’ve quite release when he do that. Then he looked at me and smiled. So both of us jumping together, exactly like he said, he’ll always by my side. He holds my hand tight. Except for the death. Both of us are still alive now.  Or not who will finish this story right? Hahhaha.  I spend most of my time with him. Not only both of us, but his friends too. Many people know me now and I don’t even know them but they did know me. It’s quite funny. But it is what happens after Haiqal and me being so close. Today Haiqal asked me to accompany him to see his parents. He said that he miss them so much. Then I asked him “So why you ask me to go too? “Then he smiled “because….hurmmmm” he stop, then he quickly continue “you will be my wife. So I need to introduce you to them.” Then he gave me a big laugh. I’m smile. Stop! Please don’t think that I just imagine having relationship with him or he loves me. The fact is he LOVE to joke like that. I used to it. For someone who don’t know us will say that he love me, but the truth is only me know it. He is actually a….. “gay” . Wait the minute, I don’t mean the homosexual. But I use gay here because he doesn’t know how to tackle a girl or be friends with them. Except me. Yes, I am the only his “girlfriend”, sounds weird like? But that he is. He is handsome, smart, gorgeous, have athletics body, spiky hair, and very fair skin. Yes absolutely! He is the ideal type of every girls want. But the problem is, he don’t want them. I’ve try seduce him and introduce him to one of my friends. One Day I had planned for him a blind date. I found a girl who is so beautiful, intelligent and from rich family. She is also a good girl. They will be suit together and will be a very loving couple.  That was what I thought. When I bring her to meet him, he looks cool and smiling happily. I thought he’s going to love this girl. So I feel so happy. At last he can fall in love and have romantic relationship with girl. So, I let them there and going somewhere else. After one hour I came back and she’s not there. Haiqal sit very calm and look busy with his Ipad. What is he doing?? Where is she?? Then I quickly go to him and ask where the girl is. “Are you rejecting her? “ Haiqal look at me and smile. He put down his Ipad slowly. “My dear and lovely friend…. “He stopped and he started giggling when he saw my face. Then he’s quickly stopped and continued “she can’t accept me like I do and then she left.”  He’s answer is so simple. Of course I’ll not accept that. There’s something wrong. I ask him again and show him that I’m really serious. “Where is she? And why she’s leaving?! “He knows that I’m really serious. Then he quickly answers my question. “What I said is all right. It is the truth. “I start to piss off “No. you are lying.” He holds he’s breath and released it slowly. “Dear, listen. Remember when you always call me a gay?” I’m confused. I remember that, but do it connected to this topic. “Yes. Why? Did she’s found out about that and really think that you are a gay??Did she??” Now I’m worried. He’s smiling at me and said “No my dear. She did not think like that.” I’m released. “Then what is wrong? And what is actually happen? “I’m so curious to know the truth. He changed his position and sat while looking straight to me. “I told her that I am a gay and I don’t like girls at all. But I told her that she still can be my friend if she wants to.” I am so surprise and I can’t even speak a word. He continues “then I also told her that I always sleep with my guy partner and doing very romantic things on the bed. And I like it so much “he starts to lick his straw from his drink. Then I quickly slap him. “Euwwww... it’s so disgusting! Don’t do that again or I’ll put the straw deeply inside your mouth. Hmmm…Why did you said that to her? I’ve tried so hard to find the best for you. All I want is to make sure that you are happy and will married someday. I want to see you on your wedding day, smiling happily, because I afraid if my time to meet Him will come before I can see you married. “I sound frustrated. Yes, I’m really frustrated. I looked at white and shining table in front of me. Then he holds my chin and put my face up. “Nana, please don’t said that! I’ll be married someday. I promise you that I’ll always be happy and live happily ever after. And so do you. Please don’t be sad. I’ll find my “sunshine”. Just give me some time. When the right time is come, I’ll do as you wish. I’ll fulfill my promised on you. For now, you didn’t have to do anything ok? “I look at him and smiled.”  Promise me? “He’s quickly put his hands up like someone who wants to take an oath, “Yes mam! I promise you!” Then we both were laughing.

~~~~***~~~~

We arrived at his home nearly to eleven in the night. When I came out from the car I saw his parents came out from house and quickly hug him. Owhh… such a wonderful family. Serious, I feel so jealous. He’s looking at me. I know he does know what I felt. He knows most of the story and background behind of this cheerful girl. I quickly smiled to him, and pretended that I am ok, even though I’m not. He started to walk towards me. But before he reached me, his mother came first and hugged me. I’m stunned. She smiled and asked me so many questions until I get so confuse and don’t know what to do. Haiqal burst of laugh when he saw me like that and now his mother was confused. Then his father asked us to come inside. “Come in. then we started our reunion and party again after we eat. I know my son is hungry. Same with the princess that he brings here.” his father smiled to me. My God I felt so ashamed by his father words, but I can’t stop smiling. Yes I’m smiling because I’m happy. Maybe I’ll smile for whole night hahaha. We sat down on the dinner table. We ate together, share stories, laughing, teasing and so on. I am so happy and I felt that it was the wonderful night that I’ve ever had. Next morning we went picnic. It was really beautiful day. Suddenly while I was sitting under the tree, Haiqal asked me to follow him. He brings me to the big rock and we sit there. From there I can see beautiful scenery. Then Haiqal start the conversation. “Nana, do you know what is my dream that I really want? “ I’m a lil bit confuse because I’m wondering why he is suddenly ask this kind of question. Ah never mind, it is still a good topic for this conversation. “No I don’t. What is it Qal?”  He looked at me and smiled. “My dream is one day that I’ll be married with my wonderful women. I’ll take care of her and gives her the best that she’ll never have with someone else. I’ll bring her to our honeymoon in Italy. I’ll buy her evvvvrything that she wants. I’ll always follow her command hahaha. As long as I can see her big smile that give wonderful shine in my life. I’ll love her internally. She will be my first and my last love. She will be a very good wife and gives many cute children. Cute as their mother and handsome like me. Hahahaha.” I was really excited to hear all that. I smiled all the time when he tells that and I looked at him straight to his eyes. I don’t know why every time I looked at him like that, I felt something wrong happen in my heart. I don’t know what is that and why, so I don’t take as it as a matter. “How lucky she is. You better find that person quickly. So that, she won’t find another gentleman to replace you.” I love to tease him J . Then he quickly said, “Owhh don’t worry I already found her and I’m sure that she is so exciting to marry me. Owhh I’ll be a husband soonnnn.” He starts screaming. He was so happy. More than I had ever seen before. I smiled.

~~~~***~~~~

My tears were still running down on my cheeks. I can’t stop remembering all the good memories between us. I missed him so much! Yes I really missed him. Suddenly his mother touched my shoulder. I looked at her, and suddenly she burst out of tears. I hug her and try to calm her. I’m trying to be strong in front her. I need to do it. Even though I know I am so weak. After a while she already stops from crying. She quickly stands up and went out from the room. I thought maybe she wants to see her husband. But then, she came again and she holds a book. She gives it to me. “Nana, I think you should have this. Take it and keep it carefully.” Then she walks out and closed the door. When I opened the first page of the book, I knew that it is his diary. I began to read it page by page. I started to cry and this time it is really hard. Start from the first page, he only talked about me. I stop at some page…

My dear sweetie honey bum-bum Nana J ,

Once again, I’m not happy when I wake up.

Afraid of what my soul is going through, I still want to give you all of my love.

I want to believe that you gave me love also.

Don’t be too far out of reach. From now on,

I don’t want to lose a moment nor am I going to push you away from me.

Especially the love that was so hard in the beginning.

Because for me, you are the one I’ve always loved and I’m not afraid,

Even if we have to say goodbye forever…Because the next love that I have, will be you..

THE ONE AND ONLY. MY ETERNITY LOVE…

Remember this sweetheart,

You may only be someone in the world, but to me, you are the world.

‎(¯`v´¯) ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

`·.¸.·´

☻/

/▌ I LOVE YOU NANA ♥

He actually read my diary before and in his diary, he wrote all the things that I wanted to do and he want to fulfill it. I missed him so much! I know that all this times all the weird feeling that I get when I’m with him is call LOVE. Yes, I do in love with him. But now, he’s gone forever. He left me alone here. He died in an accident when he’s on the way to visit me and wanted to propose me. That day is the third anniversary of our relationship. I felt so weak and can’t even move. I can’t feel my body. I hold the ring so tight and fell on knee. Dear God, hope You place him with Your beloved person there.

                            

Nik Muhammad Haiqal Idzni….

 I hope you will be always happy there. If you can hear me now, I really want to say sorry because I’ve never tell you this. I LOVE YOU Haiqal. I really do.

hasil nukilan : CIK NANA

A STOCKING CAT

“Ouch!””Whose cat is it?”Nadia, my younger sister yelled and gave Orange a what-so-called “high kick”. I immediately ran to her room.”Nadia!”I called out her name fiercely. I’ve never been so rude and harsh to her before. But that time, I cannot endure it anymore.”How could you!”.”What you’ve done?”I asked her while pointing towards Orange who lay down on the floor feebly. He was still in shock. I wondered and started to worry about him whether he had any fracture or not due to the “high kick” that Nadia just gave him. ”Did you ask me what I’ve done?”She asked rudely.”You better ask your ‘boyfriend’ what it had done”.”You better keep that “pig” away from my room; it is such a wild cat!”She added with non-stop comments on Orange. What the hell she called Orange a pig. He is definitely a cat. She always calls Orange as pig as she thinks that he is very fat and lazy. I felt like I wanted to slap her on her face but I can’t. She is my sister though.

”Damn it, my goodness, I just saw something bleeding. I’ll be blame off for sure. Aya’s right leg was bled. There was a scar. We paused for a while. I pretended that I saw nothing.But, unfortunately she realized it. Then I asked her, “Did you see what I see?” .It was actually  just a joke for me to make the situation better;.Aya started to cry like a baby after she saw the blood. I panicked.”Mami!”Aya shouted calling for our mom. What I felt like I wanted to maul Orange for what he had done. But not too harsh. When I turned around, Orange was missing. Completely missing .How fast he was.I thought he was not fine before because he look like he was about to die. Then,I wondered how he can escaped that sudden because he  is such a slow mover. Sometimes I feel like I want to give him a butt kick so that he can move faster. I think he is slower that an ant. He does know me better. If he commits any mistakes, I will haunt after him immediately. And I think that was how he got the courage to move faster than ever-to escape from me.

“What is going on here?”My mom asked.”That pig, her pig tried to kill me “Aya pointed on me. I wondered how a cat’s scar can kill a human except for giving you a scar. It is not really serious injury though. Orange just inflicted a slight wound upon her leg using his nails. Orange never did it to me before. I think she deserve it because she always curse Orange inside with no reasons. That is why we said that everything happen for a reason. Before, I once tried to cut Orange’s nails because it looks so scary and sharp, but my brother stopped me to do so. He said that the nails are as the “weapon” to protect a cat. If he is in danger, he’ll use his nails.

”Don’t be too much Aya; it is just a small cut!”I defense and my mom interfered, “And it is just a cat”.”Stop all this fuss because of a cat”.”I told you that animal is animal”.”They know nothing” I became so pissed off of these three; my mom, Aya and Orange. My mom once told me that she wanted to give Orange to others because Orange is growing older and become so so stubborn; I think he copied me a lot-blush to confess, but I objected and promised her that I will teach him well and be good. I cannot stand to see others holding and having things that I love a lot and used to be mine. I won’t let them. I swear. If only the things missing or they die, I think I willingly let them go, for the heaven’s sake. Orange is not naughty but an active cat. It is normal for a cat. If not, don’t call him a cat. Call him a Koala who just manages to stay still and do nothing. Is it having no senses? Living with nothing to do and to bother about. You better jump into the river and you’ll know at least you have to do something to survive.

I like Orange because he is so so so active and witty. Jumping here and there, climbing here and there and the best things are peeing and pooping here and there. He once broke my mom vase, peed on my mom’s carpet and made scars on my mom’s leather sofa. I cannot simply beat or punish him because I have promised to his late mom that I will take a good care of him or his late mom will come after me, haunting for me for my entire life. Fine! I disappear urgently haunting for Orange. I was so so pissed off.

On my way haunted for him, I grabbed my mom’s cane. I know what I should do. I should teach him a bit. I have never punished him or beat him before even though I am truly got mad on him because when I am trying to do so, I cannot endure it. I melted like vanilla ice cream; my favorite ice cream, because of his cuteness and playfulness. I cannot endure it.”Orange, come out!”.”Orange!”I called him several times.”Ok then, I’ll count until 3, if not, I’ll finish you boy!”I warned him. I feel like my heart is bursting out. He doesn’t want to surrender this time. How dare he was. I felt like I want to eat him up. And that was all that mattered why I gave him “Orange name”. He is as cute as an orange. He always tried to make me to transform into a monster. I was totally got mad.

And for sure I am not going to eat him up. I once read an article about cat eaters.”Eewww !” and “Dam nit !”How distasteful and cruel they are. Are they lack of food supplies or what? Then I’ll give you my leftovers! Its sounds rude but the fact that I hate humans who like to eat cat. How can they eat furry and cute things? I cried a lot reading that articles. And I Immediately embraced Orange and said “If they eat you, I’ll eat them back for sure”. Can I? No! I won’t eat human like in “Wrong turn”. It’s inhumane and violence.At least I will kidnap their cat as the compensate.

Then, I felt something soft smoothly rubbed against my legs. It tickled me.” You!”I shouted to him and move a bid from him to let him facing me.”What you have done?”I asked him. He ducked like a duck; now he transform into a duck after became a pig; like Aya said before, without any respond and he even not tried to get close to me again as usual. He might know his mistake. Then I bent near him and grabbed his right leg roughly. Not too rough.Just so so. He has two pairs of weird legs. His legs are white in color whereas his upper and other part of body is completely orange in colour.He is look like as he is wearing stockings. My brother called him as ‘an orange cat that fell into white paint’.”Oh my cutie pie “I said secretly in my heart. I beat him as like I am giving him a corporal punishment. Actually enjoyed did it. I felt like I am a mom who punished her son.

”Meow “, I called for Orange.”Breakfast baby” Today’s menu is bread and strawberry jam.We does share the same favorite breakfirst meal; bread and strawberry jam. Actually he eats bread every day. He only manages to eat bread and cats’ foods. He will refuse to eat any leftovers or humans’ food or even mouse. Such a weirdo. And that is why I love him. He is very demanding. Sometimes I called him ‘Prince’ and he has a disease called as ‘Prince Disease’. I think he is cute. I cannot stand to laugh when I flashbacking the time when I gave him a fried fish for dinner. He choked because of the fish and vomited everything that he ate. How come a cat cannot eat fish? Then,I think that I should call him as pig or duck.No-no.I won’t. Cat is cat.

I am proud of him because he is a cat who does not like to haunt. I noticed that he was not like other cats. He was like asking me a very difficult question when I once asked him to haunt for mice. He seemed wanted to know why he had to learn to hunt. Because he didn't like hunting at all. It reminded me how Garfield help his mouse friends to sneak in into John’s kitchen to steal foods.They are very cute as friends.

I also found an interesting story of a cat;”A confession of a cat”. A cat confessed that; 'People don't realize how hard that is for cats. Cats adore mice. Killing is not in their nature. But people even think cats like catching mice! They believe all kinds of nasty things about us, just because we like to play tag with everything that moves.'

'It began with one of our ancestors. One day a great-great-great-great-great –great- great-great-great-great-great –great-great grandfather was playing tag in the forest with some mice and other friends. They had a lot of fun. But suddenly a human appeared. One of the cats was so startled by the large hairy creature, that he accidentally killed the mouse he just had in his mouth. The human saw that and immediately thought of the mice in his cabin that he would rather be rid off. So he convinced the cats to go home with him. He promised to feed them every day if they would keep his cabin free of mice. And so they did. For in those days you were glad if you had something to eat and were not eaten yourself.'

So does Orange do. I’ll make sure that he is always overfed and not starving and tend to eat a mice. No! No!I know that he hate to eat something tasteless. I seem to know Orange better like a mom do. I am her mom. So what? Orange did have a mother but I am the one who responsible for his suffer. I was committing a sin --a deadly sin. I am the one who separated them. I have to send her mom away to some other place because she had a weird disease; some kind of skin disease. She had cuts here and there and bleeding everywhere. She smelled so fishy. All of our neighborhood flies came to visit our house. My family cannot endure it and asked me to send her away. I first refused it, and then when I thought that she is getting older and will die someday, I willingly sending her away.

On our way there; sent her away, we were completely mute. She was not making any fuss or noise. She was sitting on there; at the passenger seat quietly. I knew that she already had an idea what I will do. I knew that she have feelings and emotions too. But I can saw that she was not happy or even sad. I don’t know what she felt inside. She looked so calm. Then, I tried to talk to her.”Sorry, I have to”. I am not looking at her as I was driving; actually, I cannot stand to face her. Suddenly, tears streamed down on my face. I cannot hold it little longer. I feel like I am dying. How could I be so cruel?” I’ll take a good care of your son “I promised her. During that time, Orange was still small; very very small. She still breastfed him during that time. Still a baby.Now, he is 18 and I am 19.The time when I let her go; put her on the ground, she never looked back. I felt so guilty.Untill now…What a deadly sin I’ve committed.

“Meow” I called him again. I was not heard any bells’ ring. He actually wears a collar. The collar always ringing when he is running or even walking because he has such a all-moving-body. He’ll sway every part of his body when walking. I love to see his butt swaying. So-so-so-cute and again I feel like I want give him a “butt kick”. Usually I only have to call him once or twice, because I once told him that ‘If I told you once, I told you twice’, then he will come immediately as he is a heavy eaters and he is very gourmand; not because he afraid that I will get mad.He will keep meowing if I  forgot to feed him. I wondered where he is. I looked into his cage, he was not there and he is never been there. He hated to be kept into the cage. He hates to be locked up. He always wants some freedom. He actually like to rebel.

I went out of the house to look for him. I wondered why he is not around. He usually attends me wherever I went. He was even with difficulty that I could prevent him from following me through the streets. He never played far from my house. I  became worried. Where is he? Is he avoided my presence? Is he sulking because I beat him yesterday? Is he running away from home?”Oh no!”I spoke to myself.Before,I once scolded him and he sulked and refuse to eat. He is very sensitive cat. He might run away because he thought that I do not love him anymore. I ran to the yard. He is not there. I look into my mom’s vases. Am I crazy? He is not there for sure. He might trap in it. He is too big for the slim vase. He is nowhere to be found.”Hmmm...”I sighed. Life might be bored without him.

I was especially fond of animals. I even had rabbits, birds, hamsters and tortoise and fish before. With these I spent most of my time, and never was as happy as when feeding and caressing them .But they were not last longer. They die at a very sudden. I have no idea why. My mom said that I fed them too much. I think so. I just worried that they might die because of starvation or hunger. That will make me feel guilty for my entire life. But then, I felt less guilty because they were dead not because of hunger, but because of overeating or obesity. At least they enjoy their life before and die happily. I hope they are in heaven now.

I cannot stand to touch any cats that I found even they are dirty and not so attractive at all. They look so pity and just need some love from me. My parent always gets mad at me because I always touch the cat that I found in a restaurant or wet market. They said that they are dirty. Then I happily said with wide smiley face “Never mind, I already apply the sanitizer on my hand”. Then they portrayed the “whatever” expressions in their faces.

That is nothing to worry about. I always have a hand sanitizer and cat’s food in my handbag. I will bring it everywhere I go. I always think that how Orange alone could enjoy his life hence his friends is suffering because of poverty. I just want to share some love with others. I do love stray cat more than “Siamese cat”. Siamese cat is too arrogant, slow and choosy. They are not playful at all. They like to eat and sleep and eat and sleep again and again till they die. I feel like I want to give them a butt kick.

My parents previously not really like cats because of their “nose itchy” fur.Furthermore,I am allergy with cats’ fur,powder,flower buds, or even dusts and I also have asthma. I will keep sneezing to death after get near to them. But for me, if you never try, you never know. I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it. Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong. I am willing to endure with them. As time passess, without realizing that, I used to them. I have no such allergy anymore. That is miracle. For me, cat is also God’s creature. Nothing bad about them. I paused a while. Why I am thinking and flashbacking too much. I am trying to get to the previous track.”Oh no!”I where the hell he is.I almost forgot about his missing.

I looked for him all over my house. That was useless.”Where is he?”I wondered to myself. Then I thought, he is already 18.He knows to take care of himself. Maybe he went out to get some fresh air.Then,I gave up. I went to my room quiet motionless wondering what I am going to do without him. There is no fun without him. I am like a kite without a thread when he is not around.”What a boring weekend “I sighed. He is my favorite pet and playmate. Without him, I am nothing.So,I wandered lonely as a cloud back to my room.

I heard a light bell rang.”I think I got you buddy!”I said secretly in my heart.”Boo!”I tried to surprise him. Usually he will jump like crazy when he is in shock. I will laugh crazily because of his cuteness.”Kakak…”Sara, my youngest little sister whimpered. It was not him. It was Sara. Sara wears a bracelet with a bell pendant. They sound alike sometimes.”How much tires a car got?”She asked at a very instant. She always gives me riddles.”Four for sure, can’t you see?”I replied while showed her the car toys.”No! “She said.”No?”I asked her. I widened my eyes as big as a fish to scare her.”It got five because of the spare tyre”She replied.Pissed off? Yet, mad was I not. I am a good sister. I went close to her.”Got you cutie!”I hold her in my arms. I put her on the bed and tickled her. She laughed like a machine gun; a nonstop laugh. Then I stopped and ran away as fast as I can before she gave me her revenge. I left her room. In our family, me and Sara are the most witty and playfull.We love to play around and make a fool of others.

I straightaway went to my room because there is no room left; Sara’s room is beside mine.I hold the door’s knob and pushes the door. My eyes widened as big as the fishes’ eyes.”You!”I yelled.”Is that a real you! “I asked. Orange is sleeping on my “Princess Bed.”How could you?”I asked him.”I am looking for you like crazy and by the way are you a gay?”I always make a fool of him called him a gay because he likes pink things. He once stole my pink handkerchief and brings it around.Besides; he is like a female cat. He is very afraid of other cat who is even smaller them him.

I went to get him. I put him on my shoulder. I can even felt his warmest body. And I can smell the scent of “Sunsilk” shampoo from his body. I hold him tight. I got my nose close to his nose; like kissing.”I love my boyfriend” I joked around. As Aya said that Orange is my “boyfriend”.Yes, he is. A boy friend of mine.”I remembered before, Orange brought home a female cat. Maybe she was his girlfriend. He acted like he asked for my blessing of their relationship. I am so proud of him. He became an adult now.But,it was not last longer. Two weeks afterwards, he brought home other female cat. A Siamese cat. She was so beautiful with smooth and clean fur.”Hmmm….”I sighed. I blushed to confess it. Orange is a two-timer now. I don’t even know what is so good and attractive about Orange. How can girls-female cat crazy for him. I cannot stand to laugh when my neighbor’s female cat run after Orange. I had no idea why. Maybe she got rejected of him. Maybe.

“Argh ….”I yawned. I was so sleepy. Then we had our “cat nap” together.It was such a bed of roses.But my  bed was not full with roses but full with Orange’s fur.What a pleasant situation I had;spending time with my beloved playmate;Orange a.k.a Stockings Cat.

hasil nukilan : nur fadziha

ACCEPTANCE & REJECTION

I

It is a bright Monday evening. Looking out through the window, he can clearly see every single movement of the people below his office; scattered and rushing to fulfill their routine. From up here, the people look like an army of ants which amazes him a lot. Reality slaps in! He has to get back to his work. He turns around and gets back to the files that piled up on his table. “Mom shouldn’t have let me hold on this position. Sis should have done it instead.” he grumbles while going through the files and penning the signature of him on every file.

There’s a knock on the door, his assistant comes in with a chic-cool looking lady walking behind. “Speak of the devil…” states him. The said lady sits on the sofa at the center of his office. “Mom wants you to meet someone over the weekend. Secret Stars Restaurant, 8pm, be punctual. I’m telling you this earlier so you won’t be raging over stuff being told hands off.” the lady speaks. “No.” replies him, without even looking up away from his files; as a sign of protest. “Not another one. I’ve had enough of it already. It fails miserably every single time I go.” he continues. “Well my brother, you have to tell mom that on your own. Make sure I’m not there when you do.” The lady stands up, “I’m going for a bite, move off your seat now if you are to tag along,” and walks out of the door. He immediately stacks his files back and follows his beloved sister.

==================================

Voices can be heard booming in the living room of the 3-floored bungalow. A man is arguing with a woman. It is like a déjà vu all over again; the same situation that occurs when he is told to meet someone by his mom. “For the last time, I am not going to meet anyone anymore!” he states his point firmly. “I promise you this will be the last time. Trust me this time, you will love her once you see her… She’s such an art… You should take a look at her picture.” says mom. He takes the picture and throws it on the table without taking a glance to it. He looks at his mom unbelievably. He sighs, a frustrating one. There is a silent moment between them, a dead one. No one seems to be budging from their firm decision. “Let’s just do what you have got to do. This is not the first time…” he hears his sister’s whisper out of nowhere. The moment of silent could have lasted forever if it is not for him who dashes through the living room leaving the argument. He turns around half way, “this doesn’t mean I’m agreeing with you,” and continues walking to his room. He gets into his room, closes the door and lies on his bed. A wide grin plastered on his face…

II

It is a breezy Friday night. She is lying comfortably on the couch in her room without any doings. She grabs a magazine that is on the table besides her and looks at the cover. “Wow there! She finally gets to be the front cover!” jolted her when she sees the model of the front cover; her colleague aka her best friend. She gets up from the couch and walks toward her bed, “I should call her,” and grabs her phone.

Before she even gets the chance to dial the number, her sister’s head pops from behind the door, a wide smile can be seen on the latter’s face. “Oh! Hey look who’s on the cover!” she immediately gets back to the magazine and lifts it up to show it to her sister. Her sister, just like her, is in shock too. Both the girls then laugh and scream out of happiness for the said friend. The scene continues with the voices of the girls’ talking.

“Oh yes. Before I forgot… You are going to meet someone this weekend. Dad’s choice.” her sister changes the story flow. “Mood-killed.” says her who knew what the latter is talking about. “You have no other choice. Dad said you’ll have to go or he might stop you from continuing your modeling activity… I’m disagreeing to this meeting too but I’m sure you got something up your sleeve for this time too.” says her sister with carefree. She ponders upon what her sister has told her, “hmm… In a matter of fact, I do!” and she smiles…

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She walks to the kitchen slowly; eyes are barely opened. She reaches for the fridge’s door and opens it. The light that beams through blinds her vision leaving her with no choice but to close her eyes while searching over a drinking bottle. She grabs some random bottle and gulps the water down her throat.

She was just about to get back upstairs to her room when she hears her dad’s car roaring in the parking space of the house. She walks to the front door. On the way there, she manages to catch a glimpse of the clock hanged on the wall; 3a.m it says. She opens the front door and sees her dad, just got back from work. “This is the first I see you coming back home this late,” she hugs her dad and smiles. “I had too. There was an emergency meeting a while ago. I had no choice but to stay back there.” says her dad, walking alongside her into the house. “Ah~ that answers my wonder…” she replies back.

The two figures halt in the middle of the living room, “has your sister told you anything?” her dad asks slowly. “Yes. She told me.” no expression is shown on her face, straight face is all that can be seen. “And?” her dad asks again. “And… I’ll go as you wish. I suppose it won’t hurt for me to go for another meet-up.” she replies calmly. Her dad is so pleased with her answer, “I’m glad you are going willingly this time,” and pats her shoulder. “Anything for you dad…” she then leaves for her room, walking up the staircases. “Anything for you...” another suspicious smile plastered on her face.

III

D-Day has finally come. He sits at one corner of the restaurant. She sits on the other side of the corner, just across him. Both parties are eyeing at this one particular table in the middle of the restaurant; near them. A meet up is about to happen. A meet up which was meant to be for them.

==================================

He sips his drink little by little without forgetting to keep his eyes on his sister that is sitting at the supposedly his table of meet up. Not too long after, a lady approaches his sister and sits down. “Is that her? She’s not bad after all.” he mumbles the soon he sees the lady.

He takes a quick glance of his watch, it has already been an hour and a half since his sister started talking to the lady but the two ladies seem to be showing no sign of ending the conversation. The two are having such a fun talk as it seems. “Excuse me, may I get a set of spaghetti please.” he decides to have his dinner while waiting for his sister to finish. While waiting for his order, his eyes wander around the restaurant watching every single person that comes and goes. At the corner across him, he sees her, gorgeously sitting there looking into spaces far in front of her. His eyes immediately locked to the figure owned by her; fair skin, round eyes, pointy nose, luscious lips, sharp chin and long legs. “Gorgeous~” he is swooned by her beauty.

His order arrived. He dines in his food without forgetting to take a quick glance of his sister and her once in a while. He finishes his food quickly when he sees his sister is about to leave. He pays up and walks toward the exit of the restaurant. Walking away, he steals a last glance of her. Once he is in the car with his sister, “was that her?” asks him, referring to the person his sister met. “Just drive.” the latter replies carelessly, leaving him hanging; clueless.

==================================

She takes a look at the menu book handed by the waitress carefully. “I’ll have the medium plate steak and a glass of guava juice, please.” she hands back the menu book to the waitress politely, “oh! And a glass of plain water please,” she sends the waitress with a sincere smile. She turns to the supposedly her table of meet up. “I thought I am supposed to meet a guy?” she mumbles when she sees a lady is sitting at the table. Not too long after, she sees her sister approaching the lady and sits down.

She checks her phone to see the time; it has already been an hour and a half since her sister approached the lady. She throws her back and leans on the chair, eyes locked at the same view. From across her, she hears a husky voice calling up for order. She turns toward the voice and blurrily sees the owner of the voice, “that’s a bit too loud…” and giggles. She supports her chin with her hand on the table and continues to stare at her sister figuring out when would the two’s conversation end.

She keeps on looking at her sister, still waiting. Right at the corner of her eyes, she sees that someone is stealing a glance at her. She tries hard not to turn around. Just when she was about to steal a glance to see who is watching her, she sees that the lady has bid her sister good bye. She turns away and pretends to be eating her food when the truth is that she already pushes her dish aside long ago. She keeps in the pose and sees the lady walks out to the exit of the restaurant through the corner of her eyes. After the lady is out of sight, and after a few minutes, her sister signals her to come and sit at the table. “Finally!” she stands up and walks toward her sister. “Where’s him?” she asks her sister. “I thought you couldn’t care less about him?” her sister retorts. Her sister continues to sip the drink and stands up afterward, “let’s go home!” and walks away leaving her hanging; clueless.

IV

It has been months since the D-day. His mom still believes that he met her. Her dad does not have any single idea about her plan with her sister. They both have been living their normal live doing their normal routine happily. It could be said that neither party still has got the memory about the day up to today.

==================================

He is getting ready for the company gathering. He buttons up his suit and the blazer. Buttoning up the sleeves and putting on those silky black shoes too. He then looks into the mirror to fix his face and hair. Done fixing, he goes out of his room and off he goes. Roaring sound of his car can be heard even from the end of the street.

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She is making up in front of her dressing table. Getting ready for a gathering that she does not know of; accompanying her friend. Applying some soft pink blushers on her cheek and putting on the bright red Prada, she is set to go. She walks down the staircases and grabs the key of her car. She gets into her car and hits the road for her friend and straight to the gathering.

V

There are a lot of people attending the company gathering. Everyone is chatting along with their colleagues and any other named person. He can be seen at one end of the hall, talking to his business partner with his sister. There seem to be some serious talk going on with some laughter once in a while.

He looks around to look at all his colleagues and employees. He suddenly feels his stomach grumble. “Please do excuse me for a second, I’ll come back with some munchies for all of us.” he politely signals to all of the people he has been communicating to. He then leaves to the food section after getting the “nod” from all.

While he is putting various munchies into the plate, his eyes wander around to enjoy the scenery of the gathering. Spot lights that beam the hall, the soothing music and the people. Everything is just so memory-worthy. A soft hum can be heard coming out from his mouth. And then, there she is, walking through the entrance elegantly with her friend. The memory of that day snaps back into him, “isn’t that the lady at the restaurant?” he mumbles to himself without looking away from her. Without his conscious, his legs make a move toward her, slowly approaching.

==================================

As soon as she enters the hall, her friend introduces her to the others. She shakes their hand and introduces herself with a smile. It does not take a long time for her to familiarize with the surrounding and the people there. It is not too long before she starts to be immersed into a fun chat with her friend and others.

She was exchanging career knowledge with the others when she sees him approaching toward her. She turns around and smiles at him. He stops just a few steps from her. She looks at him, a little bit amazed by his appearance. He could not resist but to do the same. He looks at her and is already deeply mesmerized by her.

==================================

“Hello,” he breaks the ice. She replies with a soft voice. “Do you by any chance have been to Secret Stars Restaurant?” he asks; just to reconfirm that she is the same person. “Oh yes. I’ve been there. In a matter of fact, a lot of time…” she says with a little chuckle at the end of her words. “Ah~ we meet again!” he jumps to the end. “Come again?” she asks out of confusion. “Oh. I’m sorry. What I meant was that I saw you once at the restaurant. You were so stunning back then and I thought of approaching you to be friend with you but that would have been very rude of me to just invade your space, aren’t I?” he explains. “Wow… that is so impressive!” she jokes to what he has said. He lets out a small laugh too. Silence approaches between them… He breaks the silence again, “well now, from the bottom of my heart… would you allow me to offer a sincere friendship for you?” he smiles and stretches out his hand for a handshake. “It would always be my pleasure to accept your friendship… I couldn’t have said no anyway…” she smiles and reaches for his hand and shakes it. “Would you accept mine too?” she asks him back. “With great pleasure!” he replies without any hesitant.

Through the handshake, it is officially sealed that they now accept each others’ friendship. Little did they know… he rejected her once, she rejected him before… on the very same day...

hasil nukilan : izyanie farhah

BLEEDING

It’s 2.04am. But the sound of wind out there makes me feel scared. ‘Please sleep my dear eyes, I’ve class this morning’, said Nad to herself. Out of blue, her phone plays the ‘Blow Me a Kiss’ song by Get Fresh. She let the phone ringing for a while. She feel likes want to scream when she saw the name display on the screen. ‘What he wants from me???’ she asks herself.

      ‘Hey Nad.. Not sleep yet? I miss you so much,’ said Azrul.

      ‘Hhuurrm.. Not yet. Do I hear something that related to miss?’ asking with the blur face.

      ‘No.. I really miss you.. Can we meet tomorrow after you’re finish your class? I’ll fetch you at campus. Okay?’ hoping for the green light.

      ‘Not sure.. I’ve got lot of work to do. Next time may be. Hope you understand and respect my decision’, said Nad with the slow voice.

      ‘Please Nad, I need to see you. Please give me one more chance. I miss you,’ hoping she will change her mind.

Without thinking twice she gave her green light for him to meet her tomorrow. Then she ends the call without saying good bye or good night. She falls asleep unconsciously.

Finally I can see your smile, your long wavy hair, sharp nose and your round eyes. I missed all that, missed all the happy moments with you my love. Azrul talks to himself and carves a smile. He too missed that girl who has taken his heart long time ago. He hopes the time goes faster so that he can meet his beloved.

That morning, she rushes to Sociology class. She didn’t know what time she slept last night. She woke up with the red eyes because don’t have enough sleep last night. She takes her sit and start to jot down everything that comes out from the lecturer. Later she has to attend for the last class. Professionalism and Ethics.

‘Damn!! How come I forgot that I promise to meet him today??’ said Nad to herself while walking to Azrul’s car with the fake smile.

‘Hi Nad.. You look pretty’ he said to her but she doesn’t give any response to him.

She straight away get into the car and waiting to make a move to somewhere that she has no idea. It’s all up to him where should they go. After 30 minutes, we safely arrived at our favorite restaurant. Nad wondering why he brings her to this restaurant. I hate this current situation. It such an awkward moment with him because there is a long time they didn’t come to this restaurant together. Suddenly, all the sweet memories with him play around in her mind. She wants to cry and Azrul poke her and she comes to the real life. We seat facing the small garden designed by the owner of the restaurant. It is full of light around the garden and at the middle of it there is a small pond with the few types of fish inside it. The water lapping sometime attracts my focus to it. After we order the food, we have a long quite. Then, he starts to ask me something that surprising me at all.

‘Don’t  you missed me during the time we’re not meet?’ with smile on his face.

‘What question is that?’ trying to get out of that topic.

‘I’m just asking, if you don’t want to answer…… never mind, left it hanging’.

‘So, may we back to the main reason why you asked me out? Any good news for me or you wants to invite me for your wedding?’ I asked with the full of curious.

‘Nothing just missed your smiled. That’s what brings me to you my dear’, he grasps my hand softly.

And I do nothing for his sudden action, let the time goes with the sound of music played by the small group of orchestra at one of the corner. After the waiter serves the food, we start eating and he reminds me about our past relationship. I just listen and answer some of his questions. Seem like he wants me back, as before. I’m just freeze and no answer come out from me. I totally have no idea what is going on between us. He throws out his feeling towards me with the expectation that I’m going to accept him back after what he had done to me before.

‘Sorry my dear, I won’t be yours for now’, I talked to myself.

I never think to be his anymore. For me, my life routine is study and gets a great job so that I can prove to everyone I am not a loser. Without man in my life, I still can survive. I end my day with thinking about him. What a terrible day it is.

She woke up with the new spirit. She walked to the window towards the busy road and said ‘I want to be his friend just like before, only his friend, not more than that.’ Suddenly she changed her perception towards him. Nothing is wrong if I be his friend. Let’s start the new beginning with him.

‘Hi Azrul.. Are you busy tonight?’ I asked him.

‘For you, anytime I’m not busy’, he said with soft laugh.

‘Let’s have dinner today. My treat.’ she asked.

‘Okay baby, anything for you. So, what time and where?’, he asked happily.

‘At our favorite restaurant.’ said Nad.

‘Okay. I fetch you at your house by 8 o’clock tonight. I won’t you to drive tonight.’ He smiled.

‘Thanks.’ End the call.

She dressed herself as usual. She’s wearing blue blouse and long black slack. She unties her hair and let her hair blown by the soft wind. Sharp at 8 o’clock, he comes and drives to the destination. Azrul only smile and sometimes turns his face to look to her. She becomes uncomfortable with his action but she just ignore till the end.

At the restaurant, she was surprised because Azrul have book a table with the special service for us. How she was surprised with it. She suppose to be give him surprise but it turns to other way round. She has no idea why he did all this to me. She never thought that I will receive any surprise from him anymore. She was very happy.

‘Nad, what’s the date is today?’, he asked.

’14 April. Why?’. I answered with curious. Any special occasions?

‘Don’t you remember this is special date for us?’ he tried to remind me.

‘Eeemm.. No. Any special event on this date?’, giving insane face.

‘How could you forget our anniversary? He asked with the sad face.

‘Our anniversary? What anniversary??We’re not married yet..’, she said confidently

‘Today is our anniversary for our relationship. How can you forget about it?’ he asked softly.

Nad didn’t reply and keep silent. How can she ask him to go out at this date? She starts to remind herself what are happened before. Their love story. All the memories started play in her mind, while Azrul just watching her quietly. She come back to reality when the small orchestra comes and playing a romantic and lovely music for them.

‘Nad, would you be mine again? Please give me one more chance. I’ll never do the same mistake as before. Forgive me.’, he asked and tries to touch her hand.

‘I can’t give any answer right now. Give me time.’ said Nad.

She tried her best to hide the happiness that come from bottom of her heart. She could not lie herself. She really missed the old time. Then, they had their dinner in romantic mood. All the time they laugh and happy while story the past time. Both of them enjoy the time together. Later, they go home.

‘Dear, would you give the answer as soon as possible? I can’t wait to hear the answer. I really hope that you can give me another chance to correct all my past mistakes.’ said Azrul.

‘Okay.’ Said Nad softly.

After four days without any news from each other, both of them start to miss each other. Finally Nad start first. She gives a call to Azrul.

‘Hey, do I disturb you? Just want to ask how you feel today?’ she starts the conversation.

‘Good. How about you? I ready to hear your answer.’ said him happily.

‘Eemm… how am I going to start?’ silent at the end.

‘Just tell me the truth. Did you accept me or not?’ said him strongly.

‘I do accept you back but with some conditions. Agree?’ said Nad.

‘Yes my dear. Anything for you I do.’ He answered confidently.

‘Don’t leave me again. Don’t play with my heart. Be honest to me for everything. No more cheating. Okay?’ she said angrily.

‘Thanks for accepting me again. I won’t hurt you anymore. I promise. I hope our relationship will end with happiness. Married me?’ he said confidently.

She never answers that question till the end. She just thinks that they need time to get along and try to find the chemistry between them before they go for further action.

‘Hello, are you still there my dear? Why you silent out of sudden dear? He asked with worries.

‘Sorry. Something just makes me lost. Sorry.’ She said softly.

About 30 minutes they talked they end the call with the promise to have lunch together on the next morning. All the night Nad thinks about their relationship. She just accepts everything without think deeply. She hopes that Azrul never lie to her again. They just go on with the flow as they want. Never think that one day they will face obstacle.

Time by time, they undergo their relationship happily. Both side of family have been told about their relationship and no one object their relationship. Both families pray the best for them. Out of their expectation, the strong wind blows their relationship. The obstacles come without notify them and each of them getting worst to each other. Nad starts to ignore everything include herself. She becomes messy, from cheerful to quite person. Azrul also do not give any news to Nad. Actually, he feels guilty to her because he promised to her that he won’t hurt Nad anymore. Enough with the history, let by gone is by gone. He does not know how to explain to her regarding this problem.

      He starts to miss his girl. Along the time they had fight, he never received any call or message from Nad. He really worried about her but he afraid to give a call because he wants Nad to calm down then he will explain everything to her. He knows it is his entire fault because he too rushes to have the relationship back. He does not know that everything is getting worst. He tries to call her but no answer. He keeps trying till she answered. Finally she answer but with silent. Suddenly, bbbbaaannnggg!!!!

      Nad!!! Please dear, answer me. Don’t do this to me. I know it is my fault. I admit it. Please listen to me. Don’t do any stupid things. I still do love you.’ He said while begging her to listen.

      There is still quite till he heard the sound of Nad’s crying like a baby. He knows he just hurts his beloved girl. He persuades his girl again and again till he cannot hear any voice anymore. The call is ended. In the dark room, Nad cried again. A frame photo of them has been broken. She take some pills and had sleep. On the next day, Azrul goes to Nad’s house. Unfortunately, she won’t see him. He tries to knock her room door but she still remains the same. SILENT! He gives up that time. He will come again tomorrow.

      The phone is ringing. Azrul was surprised because he finally received message from Nad. The message content makes him cry and shout like a crazy man. “Our relationship is over. I want you to stay away from me. Just forget anything that we have before. Throw me away from your life. I’ll never come back to you anymore. Accept the fact that we’re not meant to be together till the end. –Nad”

      He calls her but nothing happen. Nothing changed. Finally he makes decision to see her face to face and explain everything even he knows that Nad will never listen to his explanation. At least, he tried. On the next morning, he turns up in front of Nad’s house. He asks permission to talk to Nad from her parents. They still treat him nicely. How lucky I has her such a very kind person in my life. But, I never appreciate it. Sorry my dear.

      After 15 minutes he tries to persuade Nad to open the door, finally Nad agreed to see him. He looks at her eyes, swollen. She cried over the days, she never touches any food. She really hurts with all this messy things. He touched her hands, cold. He starts to ask how she feels. No answer. She does not see his face to show how much she hates him. Azrul starts to explain while she starts to remind what happen on that day.

      While she tried to make decision which dress should she buy, she suddenly was approached by a girl. The girl wore a nice yellow Baju Kebaya with the black sunglasses. The girl greets her nicely before she invites her to have a cup of coffee with her. She never meets this girl before. Who is she?

      ‘Sorry because I disturb you just now. I’m Aisha. I know we never meet before. Let me be honest and straight to the point with you. I’m Azrul’s girlfriend. Nad started to cry. She cannot stand herself from crying even she is in front of public. Aisha tried to calm her down but unfortunately cannot. She waited until Nad over her cry. Aisha told her everything about her relationship with Azrul. She found out that Azrul has changed a lot last 3 weeks. Finally she knew that Azrul had a new girlfriend. When she asked him, nothing came out from his mouth. And after he has been forced, Azrul admitted that he still loved a girl named Nad. And now, it’s all proven that he had relationship with you. Yes, his family never knew about our relationship because we want to keep it as secret till the day that both of us ready to announce it to our family.

      ‘Aisha, I understand. You’re not wrong. Both of us have been cheated by him. Honestly from my heart, I’ll make him back to you. I’ll end our relationship. I’ll not disturb your happiness anymore. I promise. Besides, I can’t accept him anymore. I hope you’ll be able to bring him to the right way.’ said Nad slowly.

      ‘Sorry, I’ve ruin your relationship. I really love him. He’s my first love. And he promises me to take me as his wife. I hope you understand. He changes me a lot.’ said Aisha in sad tone.

      ‘Don’t worries. I’ll make sure he will be yours again. And from now on, we’re friend. Hope you don’t mind.’ she smile at Aisha.

      That night, she gave a call to him and told everything. Unfortunately, Azrul deny everything. She was so upset and ended the call and tried to throw him away from my mind. She told everything to her family and they respects her decision. A week she tried to avoid from being seen by Azrul. Finally, tonight she gave him the last chance to meet her and dare to stand with her decision. Never back to you my love! She just listen to him and at the end, she voice out her decision. Azrul must accept it either he like or not. Azrul disappointed with her decision. He still loved Nad as before but for Nad it is just a fake. She never trusts any words that come out from his mouth. Enough with the lies which she has accept from the beginning of their relationship. After Nad considered everything, she dare to take decision to further her study abroad. That is her final decision to take herself away from this matter. She does not want to hurt anyone especially Aisha. When she told her parents, they think that it is the best way for her to build a new life there. She is very thankful with the support given by her parents, just because she is the only daughter in the family while the other two are her little brothers who were 17 and 14.

      And tonight, everything has been reveal and she tells everyone about her decision. Azrul was shocked by the decision made by her. He did not expect that Nad wants to leave him. Everything has been arranged as plan and Nad will go there this Sunday. Only 3 days left. He did not know what to do to make Nad changed her mind. He cannot sit and let her go so easy just like that. How to stop her from doing this? It is too late. She stands with her decision.

      Tomorrow will be a big day for Nad. She has to focus and try to control herself from crying in front of everyone especially Azrul. He has to show them that she is strong enough face any challenges that comes to her. She has done with packing the stuff that she wants to bring tomorrow. She will be there about 3 years. She hopes she will be able to forget all the bad moments here and build a new freshly life with all new environment and friends. She sleeps at night without she knows till the next morning.

      All are gathering at the airport. Azrul’s family also there to say goodbye to her but only Azrul was not there. She feels relieve and little bit sad because she has to apart from her beloved family. She never be apart from her family, family is everything for her. She was shocked by the announcement. She has to make a move. She hugs everyone there.

      ‘Take a good care my princess. Don’t forget my advices.’ said her mother while sweeping her tears.

      ‘Okay mom. No worries.’ said Nad while crying.

      She starts to walk and does not turn back. She does not want anyone cries for her leaving. She wants everyone to be happy. Out of blue, someone just pulled her hand.

      ‘Nad, I’m going to miss you. Please forgive me. I know I have hurt you a lot. Take care. Don’t forget to keep in touch with me. And this, it is for you. Open it when you reach there.

      A small blue box has changed hand to Nad. And no words come out from her mouth. She wants to cry but she still able to control herself from not to do so. Azrul has to let her go because there is last call for passengers. He accompanies her with the tears. No more Nad in front of me.

      She cries along the journey over and over again. She cannot wait till she reaches there to open the box given by Azrul. There is necklace with a small red card inside the box. This necklace I bought t a day before we broke up. It is for you, my heart. It symbolize of our relationship since the first day you accept me back in your life. It means a lot to me when you still accept me. ~Lot of Love~

 She cries along the journey. When she wakes up, she safely landed at International Airport of New Zealand. Everything changes and the new life has just begun. She becomes a stranger at others place. She forgets what has she through yesterday. Now, she wants people know her with her full name. Nurul Nadia or her new nick name, Nur. No more Nad, and everything about Nad has been erased by the time she build up the new life in New Zealand.

 ~Giving up doesn’t always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

hasil nukilan : nur naduwa